Mary Oliver died this week. I have heard of her before but never was a follower. I know I’ve read some of her works, but I never really FELT it. Plus, I’ve never been a ‘poemy’ sort of person…most poems I read and think to myself….”ehhhhh….whatever”. I’m more a “tell me what you want me to hear and I’ll deal with it” kind of person. (K2 always says she doesn’t do ‘subtle’ and I think that’s what most poetry is.)
However, so many people have been posting Mary Oliver quotes this week that I’ve become intrigued. (Similar to Leonard Cohen. I was a late lover of his music having only discovered him about 15 years ago in a yoga class. Now I can’t get enough of him.)
It might be time for me to explore the work of Mary Oliver. Even if I don’t really GET poetry. It doesn’t appear as if her poetry is the sing-song rhyming variety….more thoughtfulness and reflection type poetry. (Could you call it stream of consciousness? Just blurting out what is going through your mind? I’m not sure.)
This is the latest of her thoughts I’ve run across:
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”
From Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
Elizabeth Berg, one of my favorite authors of all times, recently posted on her FB about walking out of a yoga class and then quitting her gym membership on the way out the door (her post is dated the 20th of January if you want to read it and all the thoughtful comments)…all without pre-thought or planning. It resonated with me.
I have arrived at the time in my life where I can say no. And I say no fairly frequently and (mostly) without guilt. I can’t tell you how freeing it feels.
A friend asked me to join her in taking over the local reigns on a fairly large Aussie charity. It is one of the three charities that I really love and generously support. In the past, I would have said yes immediately. Instead, I asked for details.
I’m not sure if I’ll say yes or no – but I will be comfortable saying no. I no longer feel the need to be a front runner. I KNOW I can be in charge and get things done, but I no longer want to be that person. Let me sit in the back row and be a supporter. I’m tired and I’m learning how to say no and I’m comfortable saying no.
That’s all.
Every word. I say “no” a lot, too, and I don’t feel badly about it. Often I say “no” to myself, to keep me from doing what I have always done, which is say “yes.” I say “yes” because I know I can do that, and I know that many others can’t. I say “yes” because I believe in it. I say “yes” because I am flattered, or because I want to be. Over the last few years I have said “yes” a lot, but I have said “no” more often. I have said “yes” conditionally, or for a time, and then stepped back with “no.” Now it is time to dance because I want to.
Sorry. It is late and I am tired. Not sure any of this makes sense. 🙂
You make total sense, Melanie. Totally. Thank you for the validation.
I started saying ‘no’ about 20 years ago. And now I say it a lot more often. It’s very liberating and stress relieving. If that attitude causes problems for the recipient then too bad. I am almost out of ‘give a damns’ as well.
Crotchety Old Fartdom rocks!
You are my hero and my example. xoxo (AND my loml!)
When I turned 50 was when I said to myself “no one is the boss of me.” And that meant freedom in saying no. But what resonated to me most in this post is something you said ” I KNOW I can be in charge and get things done, but I no longer want to be that person. Let me sit in the back row and be a supporter. ” I have been wondering this about myself. Why do I not want to be in charge any more? I just love what you said. I will remember this when I start wondering about myself again!
Thanks Debby. It took me a few years longer but I’ve arrived. 🙂 I’m not sure why I don’t want to be in charge anymore either…someone HAS to be in charge, or at least take the lead…but I just can’t work up the strength to be that person anymore.
I believe if you aren’t saying YES with your whole heart, you owe it to yourself and everyone involved to say “thanks for thinking of me. No.” You are a shining example for me (not in everything….sometimes you gleefully lead me astray but that is not today’s topic).